Way too often lately, I'm left wondering where this sweet little boy has gone.

 This sweet little boy who was always quick to laugh, and slow to anger.

 The little boy who always knew his momma was on his side, no matter what.

Too often lately, I'm left with a surly boy who seems to think

it is him against the world. 

A boy who angers much more quickly than I would like,

and who talks back way more often than he should. 

And while I know that he is acting just like a lot of other boys his age

and that is all a part of him growing up and finding his way,

it still hurts too damn much. 

Mother's Day

Somewhere ~ Author Unknown

Somewhere someone has just found out she is going to become a mother. Somewhere someone has found out she won't. Somewhere a mother is crying for the loss of a pregnancy. Somewhere a mother isn't ready to be a mother. Somewhere a mother is giving birth. Somewhere a mother is sleep deprived. Somewhere a mother is staring into the eyes of a newborn. Somewhere a mother is picking cheerios up off the floor. Somewhere a mother is making sacrifices. Somewhere a mother is watching her baby learn to walk. Somewhere a mother is gently cleaning a booboo and covering it with a band aid. Somewhere a mother is rocking a sick child.

Somewhere a mother is finding out she has cancer. Somewhere a mother is dying. Somewhere a mother is caring for her own mother. Somewhere a mother is ready to give up. Somewhere a mother is asking for help. Somewhere a mother is cleaning the house. Somewhere a mother is making a meal for her family. Somewhere a mother has finally found joy in the little things. Somewhere a mother is teaching her child. Somewhere a mother is being taught. Somewhere a mother is feeling proud. Somewhere a mother is being humiliated in the grocery store by her toddler. Somewhere a mother is feeling trapped. Somewhere a mother needs a break. Somewhere a mother is feeling rejuvenated. Somewhere a mother has found time for herself.

Somewhere a mother is praying for her children. Somewhere a mother is praying for herself. Somewhere a mother is worrying. Somewhere a mother is doubting herself. Somewhere a mother is paving the way. Somewhere a mother is ready to take on the world. Somewhere a mother is being criticized. Somewhere a mother is losing her inhibitions. Somewhere a mother is feeling humbled. Somewhere a mother is reaching out. Somewhere a mother is helping another mother. Somewhere a mother is feeling unappreciated. Somewhere a mother is crying. Somewhere a mother needs to be held. Somewhere a mother is thinking of the future. Somehwere a mother is wondering how she is going to make it to tomorrow. 

Somewhere a mother is attending a graduation. Somewhere a mother is planning a wedding. Somewhere a mother is burying her child.  Somewhere a mother is watching her own child become a parent. Somewhere a mother's long journey is coming to an end.

Motherhood has its ups and downs. For every mother I've ever observed, learned from, been close to - here's to the bumpy ride.

Pictures really do say it all sometimes.

These say 

"I'm so proud of all these pencils,"

and

"I may not realize it, but I'm learning important lessons 

about life, giving, and appreciation."

But more importantly, they say

"Thank you."

Pencil Project 3 from Kelly Irwin on Vimeo.

Thank you to all of you who helped with this project.

Thank you for showing my son what it means 

to come together as a community to help those in need,

to think of others, to give back, and to 

always be thankful for what we have.

Thank you G.G., Uncle Pat, Uncle Griffin, Aunt Karen, Aunt Kathy, Aunt Donna, Great Grandma Katie, Bridget & Bret, Grandma Linda, Grandpa & Abi, Aunt Laura, Uncle Chris, Katelyn & Matthew, Aunt Angela, Uncle Daniel, & Morgan, The Stamm Family, The Anguiano Family, The BDLC Kindergarten class, and anyone else I may be forgetting at the moment.  Thank you.

Guess who got the lid off of mommy's mascara?

Best. Valentine. EVER.

With the cold weather bearing down on us,

we've had to get a little creative about the way we fill our time.  

So, 

we've had a birthday party for Scarlett's doll Stella

(complete with cake, of course),

 brought the snow inside to play with,

 given Grayson his much coveted mohawk,

 curled Scarlett's Hair for the first time,

 gone snorkeling in mom and dad's bathtub,

 and even dressed up like princesses for a tea party.

And when all else has failed,

I've put them to work.

A few weeks ago 

I came around the corner just in time 

to look up and see my sweet boy trying to 

catch the sunbeams streaming through the window.

It was such a breath-taking moment for me. 

 Life with Gray is an almost daily struggle for me these days.  

He wants so desperately to be seen and treated as an older kid, 

but still can't be completely trusted on his own.  

He has an attitude that he likes to try out for size 

and almost always with me.  

I struggle with being too hard on him and

having expectations that are too high 

at the same time that I want to bury my face 

and cry because I feel like I'm failing 

to raise him to be the best person he can be.

 Finding him in a quiet moment like this one 

with his guard down and only 

the wonder of a little boy in his eyes 

stops my heart and reminds me to breathe 

when the going gets rough.